Batman and Robin
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If your expectations are set sufficiently low you might be pleasantly surprised by the latest installment of the Batman franchise. Uma Thurman gives a weird, conversation-piece performance that is either very good or very bad (think of Dennis Rodman doing Mae West) and, contrary to rumor, Arnold Schwarzenegger puts in a full day at the office as the silver-blue-skinned Mr. Freeze. The production values are predictably high and Alicia Silverstone shows up to wiggle into a rubber suit and position the sequel. It’s not the kind of movie you’re supposed to think about too much; you go as much for the popcorn and air conditioning and the coming attractions as for the movie itself. The whole experience of going to the movies is pleasant, even if the film itself is Batman & Robin. It is an annoyingly stupid show — loud and gaudy, full of flat jokes (at one point Batman pulls out a credit card and says, unbelievably enough, “I never leave the cave without it”) and incomprehensible plot twists, caught somewhere between the cheap camp of the old television series and the glossy bombast of the modern incoherent blockbuster. It’s more a live-action video game than a work of cinematic craft; this movie wasn’t written, it was engineered. It’s not funny and it’s not serious, and director Joel Schumacher has none of Tim Burton’s redeeming instinct for finding the monster within the hero and vice versa. Burton’s Batman was capable of snapping criminal spine — Schumacher’s is a sissy lib who believes in redemption, if not the possibility of rehabilitation. But the real problem is that it’s not Batman at all. At least, it’s not the Batman — the paranoid detective Bob Kane imagined however many years ago. That Batman was mortal, potentially corruptible, emotionally stunted and deeply damaged. He prowled the night. He had a utility belt, sure, but ice skates didn’t miraculously appear on his feet when he clicked his boots together (who planned for that contingency?) and he didn’t always have the right bat gimmick to respond to the bad guys’ plots. Batman was cerebral and limited; he wasn’t bulletproof and he didn’t possess extra-human powers; he didn’t leap out of a rocket at 30,000 feet without a parachute — that was Superman stuff. No, this film feels less like one of the previous Batman flicks than like one of the Richard Lester Superman movies from the mid-’80s; it’s all slick effects and bad comedy, a movie designed for adolescents and other low-expectation-holding moviegoers. It rolls right over you — oblivious to any objections. It’s high concept/low content entertainment for the masses; they spent a lot of money on it, the least you can do is give them your $5.50 or whatever.
Where Can I Find This Flick?
| 2.5 |
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Now before I get into the actual events behind Larry’ s black eye, you may want to stop reading this for a moment and go get a box of tissue paper. Because if you have any sense of humor at all, you are going to be laughing pretty hard in the next few moments as you continue to read this story.